I have this thing with age. This hang-up with the reality that I am pushing fifty and my life really didn’t amount to much.

Courtesy of Creative Commons – Matt Bilton

I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the life God has blessed me with.

What I am saying is I pretty much wasted precious years of my life on stuff that really didn’t matter.

Here are five things I wouldn’t do if I was twenty again:

1) I wouldn’t have wasted my time with boyfriends.

Since I was a teenager, I was boy crazy. I always needed to have a guy by my side. Even if they were absolute jerks and yes, I’m being kind.

2) I wouldn’t have allowed fear, insecurity or other people from stopping me in pursuing my dream.

My father grew up in poverty, so he basically brainwashed me into having a job and earning money.

I remember when I was in professional acting school and pursuing my dream as an actress and singer, my father told me to stop playing and get a real job. He said acting and singing weren’t going to pay the bills.

So, instead of pursuing my dream, I stopped and got a part time job as a receptionist in corporate America.

3) I wouldn’t have lived someone else’s dream.

My father’s dream was for me to take over his restaurant. Well, that’s what he said, but that’s not what he meant. He would use “taking over his business” as leverage to manipulate me. He had no interest in giving up his little kingdom for my sake.

4) I wouldn’t have dropped out of college.

One of my biggest regrets ever.  

Instead of focusing on finishing college, I dropped out and eloped with my ex-husband at the age of nineteen.

Ladies, no guy is worth giving up a college education and basically, your future.  

5) I wouldn’t have been concerned about what people thought of me.

Unfortunately, this is something I still struggle with today. I wish I could say I’m at a better place. But I’m not.

I do see the futility in obsessing over what people say or think about me. I mean, why does someone else’s opinion of me have to matter so much? I don’t know. But, it’s completely annoying. I really don’t want to care about what other people say or think of me.

This was an obstacle in my earlier years and continues to be today.

I think about what I would do differently if I wasn’t so concerned about what other people thought of me.

I probably would take more risks.

I would try new things and do what I believed in, even at the risk of what others thought about it.

When you live a life focused on what other people think of you, you’re not really living.

You are trapped in a prison of people’s opinions.  You forfeit who you are and your one short life on what other people think or say. What a robbery.

It’s not worth it.

Do you struggle with any of these five things? If so, which one?