Tag Archives: Regrets

Five Things I Wouldn’t Do If I Was Twenty Again

By Ordinary Servant | Published July 26, 2013

 I have this thing with age. This hang-up with the reality that I am pushing fifty and my life really didn’t amount to much.

Courtesy of Creative Commons – Matt Bilton

I’m not saying I don’t appreciate the life God has blessed me with.

What I am saying is I pretty much wasted precious years of my life on stuff that really didn’t matter.

Here are five things I wouldn’t do if I was twenty again:

1) I wouldn’t have wasted my time with boyfriends.

Since I was a teenager, I was boy crazy. I always needed to have a guy by my side. Even if they were absolute jerks and yes, I’m being kind.

2) I wouldn’t have allowed fear, insecurity or other people from stopping me in pursuing my dream.

My father grew up in poverty, so he basically brainwashed me into having a job and earning money.

I remember when I was in professional acting school and pursuing my dream as an actress and singer, my father told me to stop playing and get a real job. He said acting and singing weren’t going to pay the bills.

So, instead of pursuing my dream, I stopped and got a part time job as a receptionist in corporate America.

3) I wouldn’t have lived someone else’s dream.

My father’s dream was for me to take over his restaurant. Well, that’s what he said, but that’s not what he meant. He would use “taking over his business” as leverage to manipulate me. He had no interest in giving up his little kingdom for my sake.

4) I wouldn’t have dropped out of college.

One of my biggest regrets ever.  

Instead of focusing on finishing college, I dropped out and eloped with my ex-husband at the age of nineteen.

Ladies, no guy is worth giving up a college education and basically, your future.  

5) I wouldn’t have been concerned about what people thought of me.

Unfortunately, this is something I still struggle with today. I wish I could say I’m at a better place. But I’m not.

I do see the futility in obsessing over what people say or think about me. I mean, why does someone else’s opinion of me have to matter so much? I don’t know. But, it’s completely annoying. I really don’t want to care about what other people say or think of me.

This was an obstacle in my earlier years and continues to be today.

I think about what I would do differently if I wasn’t so concerned about what other people thought of me.

I probably would take more risks.

I would try new things and do what I believed in, even at the risk of what others thought about it.

When you live a life focused on what other people think of you, you’re not really living.

You are trapped in a prison of people’s opinions.  You forfeit who you are and your one short life on what other people think or say. What a robbery.

It’s not worth it.

Do you struggle with any of these five things? If so, which one?

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Past Regrets

By Ordinary Servant | Published December 5, 2012

There are times I feel trapped, bogged down with responsibilities and obligations.

There are people I love who are depending on me. I can’t let them down. I can’t make a mistake.

We need an income to keep a roof over our head, food in our stomachs and clothing on our backs.

Courtesy of Creative Commons

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much of my time is given to a corporation. How my life really isn’t my own. How my time is given in exchange for a paycheck.

Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for a good job. I’m not complaining.

I’m just facing where I’m at in life. Who knows, I may even be going through a midlife crisis.

I’ve been ruminating on past regrets. In that, I chose a steady income instead of pursuing my dream.

Granted, things could be worse (and they have been).

However, there are those whom are not afforded the ability to ruminate, because all they do is work to feed their kids, barely making ends meet.

So… in the grand scheme of things, I am considered blessed.

But right now, I’m not talking about my job, I’m talking about a dream.

My friend Andi Cumbo wrote a thought provoking blog post entitled “To Quit or Not to Quit” which sparked this post.

A long time ago, I quit acting and singing. Why? For the very same reason I mentioned above. A job. A steady paycheck.

I sold out and forfeited my dream for the illusion of security. I can’t express how bad of a decision that was.

Which is why I’m proactive in reminding my sons to pursue their dreams and do something they love.

If you do what you love, then you don’t mind working twelve hour days. You will be investing your time doing something you believe in and are called to do.

This goes beyond simply working to get a paycheck.

When you work a conventional job, there are no guarantees. You can be there today and gone tomorrow. You can be offered benefits one day and then it be taken away the next.

In this day and age, you can’t invest in a job or put all your eggs in one basket.

You need to invest in yourself and in your dream. Dreams come from God.

When you work toward a dream, it’s yours for keeps. No one can mess with it or take it away, unless you let them.

So yes, I live with regrets and admit I’ve made some pretty bad mistakes. But does that mean it’s over for me? Should I just give up, throw in the towel and call it a day?

No, I’ve already done that, and all for the wrong reasons I might add.

I’ve made some mistakes, so what, you’ve probably made some too. We all do. But should that mean it’s the end of the world?

This is not our final chapter in the big book called life.

I feel like God is giving me a second chance … so I’m priming up for 2013.

I may have given up in the past, but I’m not now. I’m going full steam ahead, no matter what.

Won’t you join me?

Do you believe your dream isn’t attainable? Do you feel hopeless and want to give up?

Posted in blogging, christianity, faith, forgiveness, writing | Also tagged , , , , 27 Comments